My friend, Janet, is an effective story-teller, especially when she is speaking at the pulpit. Recently, she shared a story about a little girl whose mother scolded her because the girl arrived late from school. "What excuse do you have?" the mother asked. "Mommie, my friend Sally's best doll broke into pieces and I was helping her." "That's wonderful!" replied the mother. "You were helping your friend put her doll back together."
"Oh no, Mommie! I don't know anything about putting dolls back together. I was there to hug her while she cried."
After each breast cancer surgery I received an over-abundance of "advice" from the "experts." Everybody wanted to fix my "broken pieces." I couldn't believe what I was hearing! "Why did you allow the devil to get the best of you?" "You obviously are doing something wrong with your life. You should change your lifestyle." "Do you believe in karma? Maybe you're paying for a past life debt?" "I have a product that will help you. I'll put you on a monthly auto-ship plan." "Maybe you're not drinking enough water?" "Are you sure you're eating enough fruits and vegetables?" "You obviously need to work on deep-rooted issues. Something is eating away at you." "God is punishing you for something you did that was wrong."
This is just a sample of what I've heard over the years. The sad thing is almost everybody had advice to offer, but NOT what I needed (still need) the most ... A HUG and a shoulder that I could cry on. There were times when friends and family members actually told me to "hush .... there's no need for tears. You're strong and you'll get through it." Others interrupted me from crying and proclaimed, "No need for tears with Jesus in your life. Give it all to Jesus." They were willing to tell me what to do, but not willing to listen. Where was (is) the love and the compassion?
It's difficult enough trying to sort out all the information and advice from the medical community. Unsolicited advice is no help; it does the exact opposite. It creates more anxiety, frustration and confusion.
My suggestion to those facing breast cancer is to create a team of reliable, trustworthy, and loving individuals whom you know will be there for you. You are the CEO of your body; create a winning team that will help you in the healing process (mental, emotional and physical). Include those people who can "walk the talk", who back up their prayer with action. Personally, it is exasperating to be incapacitated and have NOBODY willing to help you, especially with the small everyday things (make a cup of coffee/tea, change your bedding, heat up food). If you are in the financial position, find a staffing agency that specializes in home care service. And for us survivors, we need think of our future health. That is why I purchased extended hospital stay insurance.
A crucial part of the healing process is the emotional support one receives. Well-intended love ones want to "kiss it and make it better." Leave that job to God. After all it is the Divine Power who heals all.
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