How could such a small mass cause so much havoc in my body? Last year life was stress-free. I had planned a trip to Hawaii for early 2012. Physically, I was in great shape: blood-pressure was normal; upper body strength was Olympian; social life was expanding; work was such a joy.
Then with three words from my doctor "You Have Cancer", I felt the earth open up beneath me as I was temporarily devoured by fear, uncertainty, anxiety and anger ... especially the anger. I wanted to scream at my oncologist and yell, "You lied to me! You assured me there was no way the breast cancer could return!" I cried that entire dreadful night. After processing the news, I knew I had to become centered again, and now allow myself to become engulfed in the frenzy and chaos associated with my third (and this time FINAL) battle with cancer. How did I do that? I PUT ALL MY WORRIES AND FEARS IN GOD'S HANDS.
I released the entire situation totally and completely to God. I trusted that God understands better than I do my purpose in life. I came to terms that December 2012 might be the last Christmas I would celebrate with friends and family. I then began spending more quality time alone with God. I asked God for guidance through this ordeal so that I might be a beacon of light to others. I took inventory of any loose ends I needed to resolve. I also revised my "bucket list." Metaphorically, I was facing my largest "wave" in life, the Maverick, and with God as my Surfboard, I knew I would ride this wave in grand style.
Phyical healing of cancer was just a fragment of the process. There was also the healing of emotions, such as anger and fear. My mind also needed to be removed of the clutter. I had thirteen days to focus on my intense spiritual healing. I dedicated large portions of my day to prayer and meditation. During those sessions I envisioned and felt myself as whole and complete. I knew that if the body died, the soul would continue. No matter the outcome, I would be fine.
During one of my intense meditations, a unique thing happened. I was able to view the tumor from various angles. I saw that it was contained to one small area in the left breast. In fact, it was in the exact same spot as the initial tumor. During this state I was able to receive the truth: the tumor was not life threatening! It was a remnant from the 2000 operation, and the surgeon hadn't removed sufficient tissue. I knew that ALL IS WELL in the hands of God.
That December I contemplated from my prayer journal "Letting Go, And Allow God."
"Thank you God, for You are my Constant Source of Peace. Secure in your unconditional love, I release any tendency to worry or fear. As I do, I feel the assurance that abundance of health, wholeness, wisdom and Divine Order are my reality.
Experiencing my unity with You, I release any need to see outer circumstances turn out my way or any particular way. There is no situation or condition that can negate the powerful activity of Your transforming,healing power.
Relaxed and secure in my sacred partnership with You, Almighty God, I live life fully. ALL IS WELL. ALL IS IN DIVINE ORDER."
These are the words I repeated 108 times before falling asleep. These are the words I repeated 108 times as I began each day. These are the words I recited when the doctors and surgeons told me the tumor was removed, and it was confined to one small area of the breast. God's vision was 100% Truth.
Yes, God is larger than any problem we might be facing!
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