THE THIRD TIME'S A CHARM . NOT!!!

You know that saying "The third time's a charm."  It definitely doesn't apply to breast cancer. Each time the stress, anxiety, pain and frustration level becomes worse.  The entire process, from repeat mamograms to the post-op appointments, feels like a segment of The Twilight Zone. Nothing makes sense!

In early 2011 after several years of dedication, hard work and research I finally felt "normal." I could work out at the gym without experiencing severe muscle spams.  I was able to lift cases of water. I resumed my yard work and gardening.  I became a "handy lady" by fixing the gutters, chopping trees, painting rooms and mowing the lawn ... tasks that I was unable to do since mid-2000.  I even qualified to do the physical lifitng for my ideal job: being a product demonstrator. After 11 years I felt totally empowered.

Then in late November 2011 my world that I had so carefully put back together came crashing down again. I underwent a couple of mammograms, sonogram and biopsy, and in early December I received the news that my cancer returned. "This couldn't be!" I shouted to myself.  I had done all the right things.  The stress level in my life was almost nonexistent.  I led such a healthy lifestyle: meditation, prayer, yoga, breathing exercises and a deep faith are part of my life. I incorporated such a healthy nutrition plan.  I routinely exercised. There was no way a tumor could survive in my highly oxigenated body.

I challenged the doctors.  They wanted to do an assortment of tests to locate the extent of damaged caused by the disease. I agreed to a variety of blood tests, but beyond that I refused to play guinea pig. A sonogram showed my lymph nodes were clean.  The lab results revealed that my blood was normal.  During an appointment with a radiologist, the doctor explained that it was impossible to determine if the lump he detected was scar tissue from previous operations or a new tumor. A biopsy would be the only way to determine what was happening in the breast area. My Faith in God Almighty revealed to me in a "vision" that the small tumor was contained to the incision of the original operation.  In this "dream" I saw the small tumor from various angles. Because I daily consume large amounts of antioxidants, my body formed a protective shield around the tumor which was encased within scar tissue.

Yet, the oncologists and surgeons insisted the only remedy would be to perform a mastectomy. I felt stunned!  I intuitively knew this invasive procedure wasn't necessary.  I explained to the medical team that I sensed that this was not a reoccurrence, but rather residue from my original operation.  I said I didn't want the operation. Unfortunately, if I didn't agree to the surgery, then my HMO membership would have been cancelled. So, I consented. 

This third operation was unlike the other two. It was complicated because of the massive radiation my body endured in 2000 and 2004.  I was totally unprepared for the effects of the mastectomy.  I lost my upper body strength.  Even three months later my lifting is limited to five pounds.  Any amount higher than that causes extreme pain and pulling on my chest. Cooking is one form therapy for me, but I must limited the amount of chopping and stirring because those simple movement pull on my dead, radiated skin. My driving is limited to 20 minutes tops because of the movements on the steering wheel.  Parking the car can be very painful.  Sleeping is a major issue. The first two months following surgery I slept sitting up. Laying down pulled on my incision. Currently, I cannot lay on my stomach; the pain on the chest is too severe. The most difficult adjustment is in eating food. There is a blockage in my upper stomach from the scar tissue. There are days when I liquify my foods because my body has difficulty with digesting solid foods. When I drink cold beverages, I can feel the liquid go down my throat, but then it is diverted to the left rib cage, and eventually to my left armpit. I developed lymphodemia, and am required to wear a custom-made mastectomy sports bra, sleeve and glove. Occasionally, I am able to eat very small portions of solid foods.  I miss my raw fruits and vegetables because they are too difficult to digest.

While I write this post tt's almost 1:00 a.m., but I can't sleep because of the spasms in the upper stomach region. The relief I get is to distract myself by writing about my experience, and the satisfaction I receive from knowing I can help others by sharing.